sorry for my absence!

Wow, I am really falling behind in my blogging life! You know it's bad when you have to go back and read what you wrote last to see where you were in your blog story, lol. Kristin's due date is now Aug. 10th, but because she's having twins, they will most likely do a scheduled c-section sometime mid to late July. I know she's ready now, but the babies aren't, so they wait.......they moved into a new apartment last week....and I do mean new, it's brand spanking new!......she's now 15 minutes away instead of 3 hours away, yay! She gets to spend more time with Landin and he loves that....so life is good.Nick is finishing up 10th grade......we were out 3 days for the swine flu but so were all the surrounding school districts so we don't have to make it up. He is looking for a summer job....so far he's applied at Clear Springs Cafe and Wendy's......we shall see. I was going to do the parent-taught driver's ed this summer, but it's so much paperwork, I am seriously thinking about sending him to the local driving school. Stay tuned for that one, lol.Landin finishes his school-year schedule next week and starts his summer school schedule the week after that......instead of going 8:30-12:00 noon each day, he'll have the option of staying all day and playing with his buddies. He's old enough now that he enjoys that playtime and there's just so much playing his almost-50 year old gamma (yes, gamma, he doesn't use the "r") can do.......he'll get to take a lunch box and his nap mat and blanket, so that sound be interesting.The hubby and I went to the Texas Hill Country (Fredericksburg) last weekend, just the two of us.....we haven't gone away like that in forever. When we take a vacation, it's usually the whole family, so it was a welcome break. It was so nice to just be together and be able to have a conversation without interruption! They really have some neat places up there....the whole downtown area is full of little shops.....and everyone is so friendly! They do know how to treat their tourists up there! We drove home on the country road that goes through Luckenbach.....if you know country music, you'll know Luckenbach, Texas with Willie and Waylon and the boys......lol......only thing there is a general store.......but it was cool.......My mom is getting up there in years and wants to move into an apartment or assisted living place, so when she does, we are going to move into her house, renting from her, and sell our house. We want to save up money and buy some land and build a home out in the country.....move back where we belong, lol. So this summer should be busier than usual.......a move, selling a home, twins coming along, the son driving.....WOW........Have a great Memorial Day everyone!

the journey continues

I feel I have totally lost any control in this life and am just along for the ride. The wind blows me in whichever direction it feels I need to go and I am unable to do anything about it. *sigh*

The daughter is now talking marriage with the twins' father....don't get me wrong, I like the kid, but less than a month ago, she hated him.....so how do you go from hate to undying love in 30 days? And while I am skeptical, I am also excited. Every mother dreams of their daughter's wedding......even though it won't be my dream ideal, I still want it to be something she'll remember fondly.....am I crazy?

I feel so torn between what is "right" and what I want....is it wrong to be excited about a wedding that could potentially be a disaster?? *sigh*

Life used to be so simple......when I had that control......somewhere along the way, I lost it. I want it back!

at loose ends

I am a loner by nature. Maybe it's because I grew up an only child out in the country and had only myself as a companion many days and nights. My parents were both school teachers and even though they were physically there, they were rarely available for playing or talking or even eating together.

I seek out "me" time. If I don't get some alone time, I get antsy and cranky and eventually, mean. It doesn't have to be a lot of time. 5-10 minutes will usually do the trick. But lately, I've been craving more. Not a few minutes here and there, but a day or days all to myself. No husband, no children, no grandchild, no neighbors, no friends at the grocery store.....48 hours completely alone in a foreign location where I know no one and no one knows me.

A lot of people I know feel free to take a day here or there to themselves and regroup. Me, I haven't done that.....yet. I'm close to 50 and have never lived all alone, never gone on a trip overnight all alone....and I'm thinking maybe it's time.

I can't imagine having only myself for a companion again. To be able to sleep and eat and do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it and not have to consider anyone else in the process. To stay in my pajamas all day and have no one else know it. To eat candy for breakfast and have no one raise their eyebrows.

Don't get me wrong. I love my family. I am grateful for each and every one of them. But for their sake, I think I need to take a day or two off and reconnect with me. Wish me luck.

Randomness

I just wrote a random blog on Myspace. Feel free to check it out. www.myspace.com/stillyoungatheart .

health care ??

The daughter and her boyfriend were in town this past weekend. It was good to see her. She's starting to show and your eyes can't help but be drawn to that little belly taking shape. Her boyfriend finishes auto mechanics school in April and they are wanting to relocate from Houston to Austin to be closer to home. Another move. I think my child lives to move. Seriously.

The down side is that she is on Medicaid, and they go by county. Since she is in Houston only temporarily, she is not going to have her Medicaid moved there. That means no doctor visits until she gets to Austin and has her paperwork moved there....which takes another 3-4 weeks. *sigh* This child is having two babies, has health issues of her own, and is not under a physician's care. Not good.

I have never had to deal with the Medicaid issue before so I have no idea how it works, but I can tell you that the present system is not working. You would think that once you are covered, you could go to any Medicaid-approved doctor or facility.....noooo. Nowadays, only the luckiest of employed people have health insurance. It is so expensive that it is no longer a "given" benefit. Our own health insurance is right at $900/month for three of us right now with a $5000 deductible......there is no way a 20-something person or even a recent college graduate could afford that.

Okay Obama.....where is our health care relief? You talked the talk......so now it's time to walk the walk......while you and the others in DC are still drawing up stimulus rules, follow through on something that will actually benefit the people of the US...not just the big businesses.

what do I say now

This is a blog I've been dreading to write, but one I knew was coming for the last few days. My daughter had a doctor's appointment a week or so ago and during the sonogram, the doctor informed her that she was having not one, but two, girls. This news was met with tears and heartache because my daughter longed to have a daughter and had made the decision to give these babies up for adoption.

After much soul-searching and heartache, she and the babies' father have decided to get back together, keep the babies and raise them. She left the center she had been staying at in Fort Worth and headed back to Houston Monday evening.

I wish the story ended there, but it doesn't. There are some health concerns that my daughter is not ready to go public with so I won't go into detail, but they are serious. It just seems that nothing in this child's life can go simply and smoothly. The health problems are hers, not the babies, but of course they are all one right now......and I have no clue what to do, or say, or not say, or pray for, or think, or .....

So, the "good feeling" we had for the past couple of weeks is now gone and we can't help but wonder what the future brings for them. My husband and I stand firm that we will not raise any more babies, but I know in my heart of hearts that if those babies ever need me, I'd be there.....does that make me a sucker? Nah, that makes me Grandma......forever.

avoid the drama

I am beginning to think that I will be living my life in perpetual fear and dread for a long time to come. Just when I think things are going along well, someone has to go and throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing. Why is it that some people are just never satisfied unless their life is in constant turmoil? They seek out the drama and when they can't find any, go out of their way to make it. I'm lucky (said very sarcastically)....I'm surrounded by two such people, who feed off each other and put me in the middle. There are days I wish either they'd both move to the other side of the world or that I could! But since that is not going to happen, I continue to look over my shoulder and check that caller ID screen. Unlike them, I run as far away from the drama as possible.